A very important post on birth trauma was posted by a guest blogger on the wonderful Rachel Reed's Midwife Thinking blog the other day. As I read the post and then the comments, I was taken by a young woman's story of her two births; one traumatic and one healing. I emailed Amber and asked her if she would allow me to publish her stories on my blog because there are many powerful lessons to be learned from her experiences. Amber kindly agreed and here are her stories. The posts are long, but well worth reading in depth to gather and savour the illuminations she gives us. For those of us who are pregnant parents and those of us who are midwives or other health care practitioners working with birthing women, her words are precious invitations into the world of birth and what women need.
The headings provide links to Amber's blog.
Tale of Two Birth Stories, Part 1
I wish to share my birth stories because becoming a mother is where this journey began. I cannot tell the one without the other—it would only be telling half the story of how I came to be the woman I am today. The birth of my son, now almost three years ago, is still very fresh and vivid in my mind…and deeply painful. I have been repeatedly reminded that I am so fortunate, a hemorrhage is such a little thing; and indeed, as I commented recently, “on paper” it looks like a wonderfully successful natural birth, but to me, it was a nightmare, and one I’ve lived repeatedly over the years. It was only recently that I realized I have truly been grieving over this birth and, allowing myself to go through that process, I believe I have finally arrived at a peace and even a gratitude for that day: for without it I would never had had the courage to take my first step into this wonderful adventure God is unfolding before me now.
The headings provide links to Amber's blog.
Tale of Two Birth Stories, Part 1
I wish to share my birth stories because becoming a mother is where this journey began. I cannot tell the one without the other—it would only be telling half the story of how I came to be the woman I am today. The birth of my son, now almost three years ago, is still very fresh and vivid in my mind…and deeply painful. I have been repeatedly reminded that I am so fortunate, a hemorrhage is such a little thing; and indeed, as I commented recently, “on paper” it looks like a wonderfully successful natural birth, but to me, it was a nightmare, and one I’ve lived repeatedly over the years. It was only recently that I realized I have truly been grieving over this birth and, allowing myself to go through that process, I believe I have finally arrived at a peace and even a gratitude for that day: for without it I would never had had the courage to take my first step into this wonderful adventure God is unfolding before me now.
I made the choice to birth in hospital as a compromise. I had wanted a homebirth from the time that I knew they were still an option—I’m an introvert and deeply sensitive when it comes to privacy—but due to fear of confrontation and concern for my mother (who is not well and unable to handle stress), I convinced myself that a CNM in hospital wouldn’t be horrible: I still had a midwife and my mom wouldn’t have to worry unduly. I had also convinced myself that Mom had to be a part of the birth of her first grandchild (how could I deny her that?) even though I knew she’s never been able to handle any situation in which I’ve been ill or in pain.
My heart screamed it was a mistake throughout all my prenatal care, but I stuck to my choice even though I was becoming increasingly unwell. Because I was perfectly healthy in all the numbers, my concerns were repeatedly ignored and downplayed as mere complaining. I was frustrated, determined, hopeful, and excited all at once. Thus sets the stage for that eventful day…
My heart screamed it was a mistake throughout all my prenatal care, but I stuck to my choice even though I was becoming increasingly unwell. Because I was perfectly healthy in all the numbers, my concerns were repeatedly ignored and downplayed as mere complaining. I was frustrated, determined, hopeful, and excited all at once. Thus sets the stage for that eventful day…
